


Stark Industries Needs a New Business Model

by Unforth



Series: Tumblr Ficlets: Marvel Cinematic Universe [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 07:19:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10680426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforth/pseuds/Unforth
Summary: Tumblr ficlet written to the prompt: Steve Rogers is a kinky fucker, and Tony Stark ends up inventing a whole line of new technology in the effort to make him shiny new sex toys. Of course, Steve is more than happy to help with R&D...(note, I'm sorry, I have no idea how to tag this, but it's NOT particularly porny, it's just a short conversation...)





	Stark Industries Needs a New Business Model

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnaliseGrey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaliseGrey/gifts).



> A couple days the last few weeks, I've taken prompts for short fics and written and posted them on Tumblr. I wanted to post them on AO3 as well but have been considering how best to do so. A quick survey of my subscribers and followers suggests that people would prefer if I post them all as individual stories and put them in a series together instead of as multiple chapters on the same file or any other of several options, so that's what I'm doing.
> 
> Please note that I generally do not take "out of nowhere" prompts, cause I don't have time, but I will sometimes ask people to send me ideas and I'll write them in the order I receive them. 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr at [unforth-ninawaters](unforth-ninawaters.tumblr.com).
> 
> Make sure you read the prompt! 
> 
> [~original post~](http://unforth-ninawaters.tumblr.com/post/159785735648/kitkatcabbit-replied-to-your-post-alrighti-need)
> 
> Prompt, from kitkatcabbit:  
> MCU- Steve Rogers is a kinky fucker, and Tony Stark ends up inventing a whole line of new technology in the effort to make him shiny new sex toys. Of course, Steve is more than happy to help with R&D…

After Tony puts his foot down and declares that no, Stark Industries is not a weapons manufacturer, Stark Industries will never again BE a weapons manufacturer, and he doesn’t care HOW much their stocks plummet, he WILL NOT DO IT, he starts pondering new directions for the company. Sure, his clean energy plans are *awesome* and have a lot of potential but a fair amount of that tech is still in R&D and it’s going to take time to reach a point where it’s cheap enough to produce that it’s actually profitable. In the meantime, SI has a hundred factories chuck full of machine tooling equipment, spread across a dozen countries employing upwards of 50,000 people and Tony will _not_  make all those people destitute and leave all that equipment molding away. So he goes to one of his factories and looks at the equipment and the molds and all the tech and he devices a plan.

With a minimal modification, a LOT of it could be used to make sex toys. Like, a shocking amount of it.

And hey, Obadiah always said war is good for business, but what’s Tony’s life creed?

Sex.

Fucking.

Sells.

So he does it. He figures out how to jury rig equipment meant to make tools of war into tools of pleasure and gets to work on prototypes in the meantime.

Problem: mechanical sex toys could potentially be harmful to the person using them.

Problem: sure, there’s no, like, FDA for approval of sex toys but that doesn’t mean it’s any less critical to be sure that, like, no one’s anus is going to get torn open.

Problem: ain’t no way in fuck all Tony is testing that stuff himself. He likes his cock right where it is, thank you very much, and pain is PAINFUL.

So he’s musing about this in the Avengers lounge one day, going into graphic detail, mostly to get a rise out of Steve.

Like, this is the dude who said _language_  to Tony _while on a mission_  because Tony said _Shit_. Steve is utterly thin skinned, so Tony’s all,

“For example, I’ve modified the Warmachine tech that was meant to mass produce suits into technology to make customizable android sex dolls with programmable personalities. I know, I know, Jarvis and Ultron should have taught me my lesson, but this is MUCH simpler and yeah, they ARE web-enabled but they’re not capable of learning beyond the extensive list of preferences of their owner, but that’s not my worry. We tested the vagina of one on a banana and ended up with pulp - like, Stan my old cook would have used it to make banana bread fucking _pulp_  - and, ya know, that could be someone’s dick. And that’s not okay.”

“No, it’s definitely not,” says Steve thoughtfully.

Wait, thoughtfully?

Steve isn’t blushing. Steve doesn’t seem offended, or troubled, or nervous. Heck, Clint is sitting at the table *cringing* and crossing his legs but Steve is still sprawled comfortably, one leg loosely crossed over the other, and what the fuck, dude?

“What you need is some super heroes to help,” Steve continued.

“No way,” Tony says. “I am NOT testing that thing.”

“Not _you_ , Tony,” Steve says, rolling his eyes. “You’re a man in a suit. You have no protection against that kind of thing. But what if Banner was hulked out? Or Thor? Or me? We all have super strength and some degree of super healing. Even if our penis’ get a little mashed, yeah, it’ll hurt, but we’ll get better quick enough, right?”

“You’re not serious!” says Tony. Clint has turned a sickly shade of green and looks on the verge of vomiting.

“Tony, when have you ever known me to not be serious?” deadpans Steve.

“Right now? Maybe? God, I can’t even tell any more. Your poker face, man.”

“Tony Stark, I will have sex with your banana-pulping android,” says Steve.

Obviously seriously.

“Ya know, I knew you were batshit but this just a whole nother level of...” Tony whistles and lifts a hand to one ear, making the universal sign for ‘you crazy, dude.’

“I don’t get it. Why are you pointing at your head?” asks Steve, quirking his head. “Anyway, do you have a prototype ready?”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a masochist?” Tony says with a sigh.

“Bucky, every single time he nearly kills me while we’re having sex and I get off on it,” replies Steve as calmly as if he’s talking about the weather.

Clint flees the room.

Tony, for perhaps the first time in his life, is speechless.


End file.
